Emotions...today is Annerson's due date but Sunday was her birthday. Our daughter has been with us for 6 days. We have experienced more ups and downs, news & firsts, laughs and cries in the last week than I thought possible. We had a small scare on Tues. when we took her to the doctor and they told us she'd lost too much weight for her only being 3 days old & that she was jaundice. The remedy-bili light 24 hours a day except during feeding & diaper duty-this meant that we couldn't snuggle with her and hold her whenever we wanted. She just had to lay there. She was very dehydrated and had several dry diapers and very few wet/dirty ones. Last night was a turning point. After a very very very very hard decision we started supplementing my milk with formula to get her calories and fluids up. This broke our hearts because we don't want her on formula. It's only temporary, but still. I feel like a mother who can't provide for my daughter and that's hard to take. The cycle of effects-more calories=more hydration=more dirty/wet diapers=bilirubin leaving her body=less lethargic=able to eat more and start the process all over again. The hard part has been balancing this delicate cycle and trying to figure out how to get on top of it & get her feeling better. I guess we are being successful because she came off her bili bed today! Her levels went from a 14 to a 8.5 & her weight increased 2 ounces. She had originally dropped 1 pound in 3 days. She has now gained back almost 3 ounces since Tuesday.
All to say...it's been an incredible journey thus far. I love that little baby girl with everything inside of me. I find it hard to sleep because I don't want to be away from her for a second. I love to sit and watch her sleep. I love to stroke her crazy head of hair. I love holding her tiny little hand in mine.
Praise the Lord of lords for healing. Praise Him for life. Praise Him for allowing us to be a part of this wonderful thing called parenthood.
I have so much more I want to share but I must sleep for 45 minutes to be ready to feed her. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us. Please don't stop. I need prayer that my milk production will be adequate for Annerson. I won't go into details except that it has been the source of a lot of stress & tears. We're getting there though.