Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Strange

Hey everyone.  I'm sitting here watching Hairspray and trying to get motivated to pack. Lex & I leave for Missouri tomorrow to visit the family.  I'm so excited because I get to see my brother and sister and the babies.  The Boster kids will always be my "babies".  I have the most wonderful nieces and nephews.   I also get to see my Papa and mom.  We're going to celebrate Christmas again so that'll be fun.  I haven't started packing and am having a hard time getting focused.  I'm worn out.  I haven't had a day off at work since Christmas Day.  I'm going on 8 days straight so I'm having a hard time shifting my mind from work to our trip.  

And....I'm a few days late and hoping my period doesn't come.  I'm thinking about it constantly.  I don't know if I'm imagining period cramps or they're really there.  We'll find out soon I guess.  It's strange waiting for something that could potentially change your life.  It's hard not to play mind games.  I tell God that whatever happens I won't care either way.  It's how I can guard myself.  I feel like if I'm disappointed to not be pregnant that I'm not trusting God to do what's best in His perfect timing.  I so want to walk in that timing so I try to sell myself a pitch that if I start I start and it's no big deal.  But it is a big deal.  Does that make sense?  Then at the same time I'm like, "CRAP!  I can't be pregnant yet.  I'm still a kid! I'm not ready for all that."  But I'm not a kid and I'm surely not ready....although I feel like it's time.  

Olly says hello.  He's curled up on the bed under the blanket.  

Pray for my heart.  It's just kinda feels strange.

2 comments:

Fantastic Four said...

HEY LEAH! I was sitting next to Sara when she found out your EXCITING news! CONGRATULATIONS!!! I don't know you, but I know that you are going to be an AMAZING mommy! What a lucky little baby!

steffany said...

I'm going to be an aunt!!!!!!!!
And you're going to be a mommy!!!!!