Sunday, December 23, 2007

Christmas Lilies

I haven't posted in days.  I've wanted to several times but haven't had a second to sit down to do it. In fact, I don't have time to right now, but oh well.  I had an emotional overload moment today in the grocery store.   It all started with a phone call from Manon, the lady who disciples me.  We were talking about Joel coming for Christmas.  I just asked her to pray about him coming and being here with us for Christmas.  Joel never leaves his brother during Christmas so it's extra special that he agreed to come to Lubbock to spend Christmas with us this year.  He got here today and I was so excited but at the same time nervous b/c I want him to have a good time and enjoy Christmas. I just want him to be comfortable here.  Then I started looking at flowers.  I wanted to buy something for Marcie, my mother-in-law, b/c she has been sick and has been down about being behind on shopping and Christmas preparation.  I spent last night driving her around town to help her finish Christmas shopping.  It was so good to spend some alone time with her. She's an amazing lady.  Anyways, I wanted to take her some flowers to cheer her up and I started getting really sad about her being so sad.  Then...I thought about me and Lex.  We had a tiff last night...I can't even remember what it was about.  He was at work when it happened and we hadn't seen each other since b/c he was still asleep when I left the house.  Lex and I don't get in big arguments so when something little happens one of us usually ends up crying and apologizing.  Lex works Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so I was sad about that, too.  Then....I saw this center piece that looked just like one I sent Papa on Mimi's BDay and it made me think of her.  I miss Mimi and I know that Papa hurts a million times more, especially during this time.  Mimi was always all about Christmas.  Her house at Christmas....I can't even describe it....there are no words. 

So I started balling.  I was just standing there looking at these Christmas plants and it all hit me at once.  It was like I really was experiencing more emotion than I could handle at once so I had to let it out.  There was no waiting till the car or until I got home.  I just stood there with tears streaming down my face.  I called Lex and managed to get out what was going on after lots of  "Are you ok? Where are you???".  I composed myself enough to get to the checkout line and then almost lost it again when the cashier asked me how I was doing.  Did she really want to know?  

I'm still emotional although better.  I think that God is speaking to my heart and trying to remind me that nothing will satisfy me except Him.  I fall into the trap of looking to Lex, family, presents, shopping and Christmas meals to satisfy me during this crazy season.  But as my blog title proclaims...His grace is sufficient.  It's sufficient for Joel's searching heart, it's sufficient for Marcie's tired heart, it's sufficient for mine and Lex's selfish hearts, and it's sufficient for Papa's broken heart. 

I did manage to pick out a plant with these beautiful white lilies.  I was standing in James & Marcie's kitchen tonight smelling them and God whispered something to me. He told me that He was there and that He made beautiful things.   And I felt like everything was going to be ok again.